I have been playing tennis almost since I could walk. My dad had played in college, and I played a lot growing up, took many lessons, and played competitively. In high school, I taught beginner classes for the county recreation department where I lived. At age 54, I still play regularly and am a pretty consistent player, though I can’t say that I am a whole lot better now than I was in my 20s. I plateaued; perhaps a bit wilier now, and I can still make up for a mediocre play with quick feet! But it’s not often that I feel like I make a positive step change in my game.

This past weekend I was participating in regular Saturday morning tennis drills with a group. During a brief lull, the tennis instructor came over to me and asked me with which stroke I generate the most power (he knew the answer apparently). I said my backhand, of course. He said “why is that?”. I said because I hit a two-handed backhand. He then said “no, that’s not why. The reason you get more power from your backhand than your forehand is because of the torque you create with your body and legs on your backhand.” He then walked me through why I was NOT getting that sort of power on my forehand. He said my swing is too loopy on my forehand, and I use too much arm rather than torso. I do get a lot of topspin on my forehand but not much power.

That exchange reminded me about the value of coaches and coaching. Having played all my life, of course I should have known what he was telling me.  But he could see about me what I couldn’t see about myself. He was like a mirror for me. He also exhibited three other important qualities of great coaches, coaches who make a difference. First, he cared enough to actually come over and give me the feedback. He probably didn’t know how I would react to that feedback but was interested enough in helping me produce better results that he took the time and energy to coach me. If an instructor isn’t willing to invest the time or share the insight, then you shouldn’t have them coaching you. Second, he was able to demonstrate to me the weak swing versus a more powerful swing, and do it in a way that I could see it in my mind and then mimic it. Finally, during the rest of the drills when I was translating that coaching into better, more powerful forehand groundstrokes, he gave me the positive feedback that confirmed what I was doing was working.  Of course, practice creates muscle memory, so now I need to keep practicing that tweak to my forehand stroke.

In my recently published book The Complete Business Leader: A Framework for Impact in Work and Life (available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble),I highlight my strong belief in executive coaches. Coaching is a core ingredient of developing individual wisdom as a business leader. Specifically, I give the example of working with my executive coach earlier in my career to get better at having hard conversations with staff, boards, clients, and others. I had to then practice the coaching, sometimes picking hard conversations to have just to practice. Over the years, I got better at having these hard conversations because I learned to look at what I was committed to and the “cost” of not having the conversation. And I took and applied the coaching because my coach believed in me and I believed in her.

In addition to the characteristics described in my tennis example above, a great coaching relationship has a few other key characteristics, whether it’s in business, tennis, music, or some other arena. The coach and the person being coached need to be committed to and trust each other and have a level of mutual respect. The person being coached has to be open and available for the coaching, and has to believe the coach has something valuable to offer. The coach also must be willing to be a bit vulnerable as well, and trust that he or she has something to offer and can deliver that in a way that can be heard and acted on.

A coach should be a practitioner but not every practitioner is a good coach. You can be a great tennis player and not be a good coach. I daresay when, when I was teaching kids tennis lessons when I was 16, I was not that good at translating how I played into good coaching feedback. In fact, as I recall I was pretty impatient with kids on why they couldn’t get what I was trying to teach!

A coach also needs to have some amount of gravitas. This gravitas comes from a combination of being a practitioner, years of experience, and a way of being that has the coach able to convey the feedback in a way that works.

A coach doesn’t have to be an official paid coach; a coach needs to be someone with the gravitas, the trusted relationship, and the commitment to give the feedback and give it in a way that resonates with the person being coached. Good coaches, are like a mirror for you, like the tennis instructor was for me on Saturday . They help you see yourself and how you occur in the world.

Thanks to my tennis instructor for reminding me of this practical insight on coaching.

Amazon link to my book: